i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize