btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
