i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
