She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
