Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
