Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
