Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize