just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
