omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
