I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
