Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
