I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
