i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
