Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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