So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
