I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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