They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
