bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
