He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
