My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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