It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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