ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
