I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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