Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
