Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
