Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
