I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
