My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
