I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
