Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
