My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
