you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize