is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The air was thick with penises
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
