god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
