When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
