You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
its liver damage thursday
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
