I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
