Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize