she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
