Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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