I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize