i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize