Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
