Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize