so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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