oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
