why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
