love makes seman taste better
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
