YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
