My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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