yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize