I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize