i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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