For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
