If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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