Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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