I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
