he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
