That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
