I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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