Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
