Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
