so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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