Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
