When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
