I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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