dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize