Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
