areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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