Umm I'm too high to move.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
