my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
