Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
