i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
