The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
