so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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