I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
