can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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