Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
