You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
