Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize