Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
