One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
