clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
