She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
