Where are you?
In a non slutty way
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize