Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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