i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
