tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
