you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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