Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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